...Because I actually agree with Columbia Sports Columnist, Ron Morris. In today's issue of The State, Morris actually makes a sentient argument for something. What's more, Morris' issue of choice is actually relevant! Morris, seen right, usually spends his columns jumping to conclusions and writing with about as much forethought as a monkey takes when it flings poo. I'm not even going to go down the road that most Gamecock fans take when discussing Ron Morris. I don't think Morris has it in for USC. I don't think Morris secretly cheers for Gamecocks losses or Clemson's successes. The only thing I know about Ron Morris is that 98% of the time he is incapable of conducting the most basic investigative journalism.
Here, though, Morris comes through in style. The Confederate flag is a hot button issue in the South, particularly in South Carolina. Whatever you think about the flag as a symbol, the bottom line is it is keeping the entire state of South Carolina from joining the 20th century. Get rid of the Confederate flag, and amazing things will start happening around the state. Mullets will disappear at a rate commiserate with that of the "Great Mullet Blight of the 90s." Only actual wife beaters will wear wife beaters, improving the efficiency of the legal system. Baby-momas will cease to be the predominant family unit. Hell, even Croakies might go out of style. Well one can always dream, anyway. As a Georgia native, I suppose I'll always be accused of not being able to fully understand the issue of the Stars & Bars as it relates to SC. I do know this: Georgia used to actually have half of its state flag devoted to the confederacy, but we actually booted it the fuck off. Why can't South Carolina do the same?
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If taking down the Confederate Battle Flag will bring SC into the 20th century, what will it take to get us to the 21st?
Besides, Georgia's flag now is no less devoted to the Confederacy than it was before. While it previously sported the Confederate Battle Flag, it now looks exactly like the original Confederate Flag, only with the design from the state seal in the middle of the stars.
Georgia's flag compromise was funny because northerners have no idea that it is still the Confederate Flag, and southerners can feel quietly smug, knowing that they have a greater knowledge of this country's history than those elitist northerners.
Also, side note: the "Stars and Bars" does not refer to the battle flag that flies at the SC statehouse; rather, it refers to the flag that Georgia's state flag now mimics.
I just went onto wikipedia to fact-check what I wrote (sometimes I get open-mouth, insert-foot syndrome), and found this interesting tidbit:
"The USS Columbia (CL-56) flew a Confederate Navy Ensign as a battle flag throughout combat in the South Pacific in World War II. This was done in honor of the ship's namesake, the capital city of South Carolina, the first state to secede from the Union."
First, let's just be clear that I meant "20th" century. I have no idea what will bring SC into the 21st century, but I guess a collapsing economy is a start.
Second, I don't care that the Georgia flag is either more or less connected to the confederacy. I actually like the Rebel Battle Flag as a symbol of the South, you know back when you could slap it on the top of your car and get your Hazzard on without offending people. But the fact is it does offend people, and it is holding the state of South Carolina back. I motivations here are completely shallow, I only care about perception.
Third, plenty of people refer to the flag in question as the stars and bars. It may have originally refered to the other flag, but now it refers to both - the same way a Christmas tree is both a pagan and a Christian symbol.
Hey now, I've been recently converted to thinking of "wife beaters" as a highly effective undershirt.
I started borrowing Annie's wife beaters (how we fit into the same shirt size, i'll never know), and I don't get any clumps under my top shirt like i did before! it's amazing! make your order over the phone right now and you'll get a second pack free!
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