Sunday, October 26, 2008

Nick's Six Most Unathletic Presidents and Vice Presidents

The much anticipated debut of Nick's Six, an inconsistent, unprovoked, and often uneducated sports listing. Today I will explore the six most unathletic presidents and vice presidents...

We've heard the stories. Gerald Ford's triumphs at the University of Michigan, Ronald Reagan's heroic swimming skills, and John F. Kennedy's bedroom gymnastics have all been well documented and widely known. But what about our elected leaders who weren't really cut out for a life in athletics? Look no further:

1. Franklin Delano Roosevelt: Unfortunately for FDR, murderball was not around in 1940. What, too soon?

2. Dick Cheney: Hunting is NOT a sport. Neither is shooting your friend in the face. I also wonder how badly W. would smoke Cheney in a 5k.

3. William Jefferson Clinton: Getting this guy to excercise was like getting Manny to cut his hair. Look for Clinton to appear on future lists including Nick's Six Worst Interns To Choose Out Of a Pool of Hundreds of Much Hotter Interns.

4. Abraham Lincoln: This pick may surprise people considering Lincoln's height. But basketball had not yet been invented during Lincoln's time. And also, what kind of athlete goes to the theatre?

5. John Adams: If you think about it, this pick makes perfect (or absolutely no) sense. John Adams, our 2nd president, was recently played in a must-see HBO series by Paul Giamatti. The connection, you ask? Giamatti is the son of the late A. Bartlett Giamatti, the man who banned the great Pete Rose. Plus, the Little League center in Bristol, Conn., is named after Giamatti, and those kids SUCK.

6. As much as it pains me to say it...George W. makes this list. Yes, the greatest president of all time was on the Yale baseball team. But he was also a cheerleader. Cheerleading is not a sport.

Thank you for your time. And may there be one more debate before the election. One in which Barack Obama destroys John McCain in a bi-partisan game of one-on-one.

5 comments:

Steve said...

It's funny that even a caption describing a Yale sporting event still cannot display proper grammar.

A funny link somewhat related to the last part of your post:

Obama McCain Dance-Off

Steve said...

In the unrelated yet not worthy of an entire post department:

Headline that should have run at the top (or side, in Hartford) of sports sections across the country last week:

Cock Block

Lance said...

Honestly, how does Taft not make this list?

Connor Tapp said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Connor Tapp said...

I'm asuming that the list pertains to athleticism enjoyed throughout the president's entire life span rather than the term of his presidency?