Let's play a little word association. Pacman Jones. Douchebag. Kobe Bryant. Douchebag. Alex Rodriguez. Uber-douche. You get the point. Many popular sports figures are guilty of douchebaggery. But there a few that you should put on your douche-dar. I don't want to have to say I told you so.
But I will.
1. Eric Devendorf: No, this is not because I am a UConn fan. No, this is not because I hate (HATE) Syracuse. This is because Eric Devendorf is simply a huge douchebag. There's no getting around it. So let me get this straight. Deven-douche punches a woman in the face THIS YEAR, and is still enrolled at the University of Syracuse, and still playing for Jim "I should give my Hall of Fame plaque to Carmelo Anthony" Boeheim. I bet I could make an entire Nick's Six of douchebags from that program alone. Then again, I don't think six slots would be enough.
2. Jon Gruden: When Tony Dungy became the first black man to win a Super Bowl, it had to feel good doing it just years after being replaced in Tampa by Gruden, who in his first year became the first douchebag to win a Super Bowl.
Disclaimer: Mike Ditka is not a douchebag. Well he was until he appeared on the SI cover with Ricky Williams, and made a hilarious appearance in a Will Ferrell movie.
Anyway, back to Gruden. There's just something about the guy that I can't stand. Maybe it's the fact that he reminds me of Gordon Gecko in Wall Street. Or maybe the fact that after Chris Simms almost died on the football field, Gruden demoted him, and then wouldn't let him leave.
3. Andy Roddick: OK, first of all...ANDY ROD-DICK. I could rest my case. But I won't. It starts with the hat. Any player who cares about the position of his HAT on his head won't win jack. Other examples include Pokey Reese, and (this year) C.C. Sabathia. At least those guys wear New Era, and not Lacoste (ultimate douchebaggery). But the real reason for Roddick landing on this list is breaking up with Mandy Moore. Also, his nickname is A-ROD.
4. Michael Phelps: I would like to start by saying that I thought Michael Phelps was a douchebag way before everyone else. I would also like to say that I enjoyed his 8-medal run. It was good for America, and the Olympics. But holy (bong) smokes. You just look at this guy and think of every douchebag you've ever met. The douchebagginess of this guy is thicker than Mark Spitz's mustache during a monsoon. And if you're not sold yet, he appears in an incredibly douchebaggerian commercial with fellow douchebags Kobe Bryant and Alex Rodriguez.
5. Every white guy that ever played for Duke: I know, I know. This was originally supposed to be a list of individuals. But I can't take it anymore. If Miami is football's running back U, than Duke is definitely basketball's douchebag U. Here is their all-time douchebag team: 1. J.J. Reddick; 2. Greg Paulus; 3. Christian Laettner; 4. Josh McRoberts; 5. Jay Bilas. I will say that Shane Battier, who is half white, was actually pretty likeable. But that's it.
6. Stephen A. Smith: Right, Stephen A. Smith is not an athlete. But he's still on ESPN more than most professional sports figures. His show "Quite Frankly," was almost as bad as CNN giving a show to D.L. Hughley -- almost. And speaking of his athleticism, apparently he played some college hoops at Winston-Salem University. In fact, he played for Hall of Fame coach Clarence Gaines. He then wrote an article for the school newspaper claiming Gaines should retire for health reasons.
Douche-BAG.
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