Schadenfreude 375 (A Continuing Series)
2 days ago
Friday, October 31, 2008
Theo Pursues New Japanese Target
Japan's 12 professional teams granted Junichi Tazawa's request that he not be drafted. The 22-year-old has reached 97 on the gun, and he desires a spot on a MLB team. Playing semi-pro baseball in Japan, 田沢純一 showed excellent control with a walk rate near 0.5 BB/9. His K-rates were consistently at or over 9 K/9. His career totals since 2005 (numbers in parentheses are unconfirmed):
| IP | BF | H | 2B | 3B | HR | SO | BB | HBP | ERA |
| 137.0 | 512 | 111 | (12) | (0) | (4) | 141 | (8) | (4) | 1.51 |
Because 田沢純一 has never been signed or drafted by a Japanese professional team, American teams will not have to go through the onerous process by which Daisuke and Kei Igawa were signed following the 2006 season.
Jacobs Traded to Royals
The Florida Marlins traded 1B Mike Jacobs to the Kansas City Royals on Thursday for right-handed reliever Leo Nunez. Jacobs was arbitration-eligible, so this at least fits in with the Marlins' modus operandi, even if it doesn't appear that Nunez has a whole lot of upside.
I don't really see how this makes much sense for the Royals. Why take on 28-year-old 1B with a .300 OBP when you already have the equally immovable (figuratively and literally) and more promising Billy Butler and Kila Ka'aihue already splitting time at 1B and DH?
Perhaps the bigger question is "Why am I attempting to find logic in a Royals acquisition?"
Anyone else have thoughts on this relatively obscure trade?
I don't really see how this makes much sense for the Royals. Why take on 28-year-old 1B with a .300 OBP when you already have the equally immovable (figuratively and literally) and more promising Billy Butler and Kila Ka'aihue already splitting time at 1B and DH?
Perhaps the bigger question is "Why am I attempting to find logic in a Royals acquisition?"
Anyone else have thoughts on this relatively obscure trade?
More on Governmentphiles
Sorry guys, I'll try to keep it to sports after this one. But even on Halloween, this is so scary that I thought everyone should know about it.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Obama Watch: Social Security
I realize it's a bit of a stretch connecting politics to what is ostensibly a sports blog. Well, I guess Obama did do a puff piece on SportsCenter with the droopy-eyed Stuart Scott.
Anyhow, Obama may have lost hundreds of thousands of votes on Wednesday from the "white guilt" Obama voting bloc, as Obama revealed that he might not actually be black when he confused Sanford and Son with The Jeffersons . The mishap ocurred during a campaign stop in which he was criticizing Republican efforts in 2005 to partially privatize social security.
"Could you imagine if you had your Social Security invested in the stock market these last two weeks, these last two months? You wouldn't need Social Security. You'd be having a -- like, what was it, Sanford and Son. `I'm coming Weezie!"
You could just as easily say to someone who had their retirement savings invested in the stock market, "Could you imagine if you had invested in Social Security?"
Suppose that in November 1974 a theoretical person set to retire in November 2008 gave $1,000 to Social Security to be returned to them 40 years later (what, again, is the point of this?). Today, it takes over $3,000 dollars to match the buying power of one thousand 1974 dollars. The government just divided your savings by one third. Thanks, FDR!
That same $1,000 would be worth at least $10,000 today had it been put into an index fund... that's after the recent market downturn. That's not some kind of complicated market wizardry, it's a fucking index fund.
These next four years are going to suck.
Anyhow, Obama may have lost hundreds of thousands of votes on Wednesday from the "white guilt" Obama voting bloc, as Obama revealed that he might not actually be black when he confused Sanford and Son with The Jeffersons . The mishap ocurred during a campaign stop in which he was criticizing Republican efforts in 2005 to partially privatize social security.
"Could you imagine if you had your Social Security invested in the stock market these last two weeks, these last two months? You wouldn't need Social Security. You'd be having a -- like, what was it, Sanford and Son. `I'm coming Weezie!"
You could just as easily say to someone who had their retirement savings invested in the stock market, "Could you imagine if you had invested in Social Security?"
Suppose that in November 1974 a theoretical person set to retire in November 2008 gave $1,000 to Social Security to be returned to them 40 years later (what, again, is the point of this?). Today, it takes over $3,000 dollars to match the buying power of one thousand 1974 dollars. The government just divided your savings by one third. Thanks, FDR!
That same $1,000 would be worth at least $10,000 today had it been put into an index fund... that's after the recent market downturn. That's not some kind of complicated market wizardry, it's a fucking index fund.
These next four years are going to suck.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Steve’s Peeves: the 1st Installment
In a likely futile attempt to match the wit and humor of Nick’s Six, I introduce Steve’s Peeves. Aiming to combine Andy Rooney’s sarcasm on 60 Minutes and Peter Griffin’s clueless-ness on “What Really Grinds My Gears,” this column will be my outlet to vent on everything that is wrong with our world.
*It is worth noting thatPhiladelphia ’s curse covers all Philadelphia
Why does everyone think they are the pre-2004 Red Sox? The 2008 Phillies are the latest example of a team that is winning a supposedly unattainable championship (see also: 2005 White Sox, 2008 Rays). Jayson Stark complains that only in Philadelphia would a long-awaited World Series championship be delayed by the supernatural force of rain. Like the pre-2004 Red Sox, the Phillies contend with a curse of their own. As Phillies fans ponder whether or not God hates them, let’s weigh their case against the pre-2004 Red Sox.
Length of curse
- Red Sox: 85 years, since Babe Ruth was sold in 1919 as a result of the same antics that caused the team to unload Manny Ramirez in 2008.
- Phillies: 21 years, since
*It is worth noting that
Length of championship drought
- Red Sox: 86 years, since defeating the Cubs in 6 in 1918.
- Phillies: 28 years, since defeating the Royals in 6 in 1980.
Circumstances of devastating letdowns
- Red Sox: Bucky fucking Dent, Billy fucking Buckner, Tim fucking Tschida, Aaron fucking Boone.
- Phillies: rain.
Hey,
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Why EA Sports Should Be Charged With Fraud
I had an epiphany today.
It was a moment of pure joy, followed by a moment of pure embarassment. Embarassment because I can't believe I let a video game company fool me for this long.
Let me set the stage. Six seconds left, I'm tied with No. 2 LSU. I'm at my own forty. Rather than run the ball and force overtime, myself and my assistant Steve Spurrier (of the pixelated variety) decide, 'hell no, we've got this.' I send all of my receivers on seam routes, and I let Stephen Garcia sling his gun. Wouldn't you know it? Downtown Freddie Brown makes a one-handed catch and cuts in front of the pile-on.
Game over. Party in Five Points.
In the midst of my joyous celebration, my happy tears turned to sad tears. For I realized something.
THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN.
How can the video game conglomerate legally get away with fraud? How can EA sports let guys like me (23-year old men who live in a loft at their mother's house, wear nothing but sweatpants and live off the Five-Dollar Footlong Phenomenon) believe that such things could happen one day?
Sure, for the first three quarters of the game, they keep it realistic. My South Carolina defense was speedy and effective. My Cock-n-Fire offense was more like Cock-n-Block. All seemed right with the world. And in true Gamecock fan fashion, I was completely prepared to blow it in the fourth against a ranked team, and be totally OK with it.
But nooooooo. EA sports is like the older kid at school who tells you that Santa Claus isn't real. Or that he is real, but instead of giving kids presents, he molests them. You all remember that kid.
Here are some other things in the game that should be included in the class action lawsuit I am going to bring against EA. And yes, this counts as a Nick's Six.
1. Charlie Weiss is not nearly as fat in the game as he is in real life. Seriously, the front ass he features in the game does not do his actual front ass justice. Add Kansas coach Mark Mangino to this list, although I have yet to see his digital version.
2. The fan graphics could be way better. I was astonished to see that when I played at Clemson, their fans were not portrayed as baby killers. Nope. Just normal people. WTF?
3. There are way too many white defensive backs. Who made this game, Rush Limbaugh?
4. Instead of the gamecasts being done by Brad Nessler, Kirk Herbstreit and Lee Corso, EA should admit to the low level of college sportscasting that has plagued our society in real life. Keep Corso, and add Lou Holtz and Jesse Palmer to complete the "All-Retarded Team."
5. The game makes it easy for small league teams to rise up and compete for recruits with teams from the Big 12, SEC, Big 10 and PAC 10. No. This is fundamentally wrong. Teams from the Sun Belt do not have the money, access to high-priced cars, or ability to lure recruits with hookers like the major conferences do.
6. Todd Boeckman is a Heisman candidate. Enough said.
It was a moment of pure joy, followed by a moment of pure embarassment. Embarassment because I can't believe I let a video game company fool me for this long.
Let me set the stage. Six seconds left, I'm tied with No. 2 LSU. I'm at my own forty. Rather than run the ball and force overtime, myself and my assistant Steve Spurrier (of the pixelated variety) decide, 'hell no, we've got this.' I send all of my receivers on seam routes, and I let Stephen Garcia sling his gun. Wouldn't you know it? Downtown Freddie Brown makes a one-handed catch and cuts in front of the pile-on.
Game over. Party in Five Points.
In the midst of my joyous celebration, my happy tears turned to sad tears. For I realized something.
THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN.
How can the video game conglomerate legally get away with fraud? How can EA sports let guys like me (23-year old men who live in a loft at their mother's house, wear nothing but sweatpants and live off the Five-Dollar Footlong Phenomenon) believe that such things could happen one day?
Sure, for the first three quarters of the game, they keep it realistic. My South Carolina defense was speedy and effective. My Cock-n-Fire offense was more like Cock-n-Block. All seemed right with the world. And in true Gamecock fan fashion, I was completely prepared to blow it in the fourth against a ranked team, and be totally OK with it.
But nooooooo. EA sports is like the older kid at school who tells you that Santa Claus isn't real. Or that he is real, but instead of giving kids presents, he molests them. You all remember that kid.
Here are some other things in the game that should be included in the class action lawsuit I am going to bring against EA. And yes, this counts as a Nick's Six.
1. Charlie Weiss is not nearly as fat in the game as he is in real life. Seriously, the front ass he features in the game does not do his actual front ass justice. Add Kansas coach Mark Mangino to this list, although I have yet to see his digital version.
2. The fan graphics could be way better. I was astonished to see that when I played at Clemson, their fans were not portrayed as baby killers. Nope. Just normal people. WTF?
3. There are way too many white defensive backs. Who made this game, Rush Limbaugh?
4. Instead of the gamecasts being done by Brad Nessler, Kirk Herbstreit and Lee Corso, EA should admit to the low level of college sportscasting that has plagued our society in real life. Keep Corso, and add Lou Holtz and Jesse Palmer to complete the "All-Retarded Team."
5. The game makes it easy for small league teams to rise up and compete for recruits with teams from the Big 12, SEC, Big 10 and PAC 10. No. This is fundamentally wrong. Teams from the Sun Belt do not have the money, access to high-priced cars, or ability to lure recruits with hookers like the major conferences do.
6. Todd Boeckman is a Heisman candidate. Enough said.
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